If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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