And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
