I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
