From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
