Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
