So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
