Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
