YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
