and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize