don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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