i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
