I hate your face
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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