So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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