Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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