I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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