Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
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She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
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I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I love you.
Bad choice
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