dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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