I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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