It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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