Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I checked into jail on foursquare
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
