hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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