Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You need a sexual gate keeper
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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