I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
