Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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