According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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