he puts the penis in happiness.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
