I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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