honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
