Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Non-Jews are for practice
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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