I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
