im about as happy as oj after his trial
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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