I didn't shave. On purpose
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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