im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
