i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My feet surprised me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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