well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
