got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
