Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
