"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
