i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
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No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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