did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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