She went from zero to smokin in five shots
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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