I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The adults are the big ones right?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
