dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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