Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
