There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish I could punch you in the face.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
