i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
