I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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