But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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