Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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