I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had me at cake vodka
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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