Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
