Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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