i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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