Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
