you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
