I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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