Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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