My friends, they love my intelligence
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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