remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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