i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
