I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
