cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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