Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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