You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
