My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Actions speak louder than pants.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The air was thick with penises
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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