i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
