you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
