i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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