Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
